Re: Listserv humor

["Tesla list" <tesla-at-pupman-dot-com>]

Original poster: "Terry Fritz" <twftesla-at-qwest-dot-net>

Ok,  I'll say it is "on-topic" as a "list operations" thing :o))

At 03:08 PM 12/21/2002 -0700, Chip Atkinson wrote:
>Man, that's hilarious.  I started laughing from the first message!  Now to
>find someone else who'd appreciate it...
>
>Chip
>
>On Fri, 20 Dec 2002, Terry Fritz wrote:
>
> > Hi Dan,
> >
> > Sorry, but humorous things just start more humorous things and everyone
> > ends up blaming me :o))
> >
> > I will however pass it one to certain people.  Expect to see it still
> > finding it's way on the web years from now :-))
> >
> > Cheers,
> >
> >          Terry
> >
> > At 11:12 AM 12/20/2002 -0500, you wrote:
> > >Hi Terry,
> > >Here's some humor for the list if you think it's appropriate :)
> > >If not, that's fine too.
> > >Happy Holidays :)
> > >Dan Kline
> > >--

Message 1
From: newbie-at-pupman-dot-com

I am thinking about making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for
lunch.
Please advise.

Message 2
From: vpitempkin-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter should be slowly stirred for 17 hours and 32 minutes, then
evaporated
to a specifc gravity of 92.7 exactly. After lightly sanding the surface of
the
bread with drywall sanding net, apply the peanut butter in three very thin
layers
to the upper surface of the bottom slice of bread and smooth with a 3 inch
rubber spatula.
Various applications of jelly and jam will yield different results. Contact
me
off list if you'd like me to send you the complete schematic for a hand
designed
peanut-butter stirrer, or a steam powered toaster designed to provide
precise breadal
alignment in the last few minutes of toasting. It's patently obvious that
other methods of
preparation produce an inferior sandwich.

Message 3
From: regular-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter and Jelly is the only sandwich worth making. I have been
living on
PBJ for ten years now, with great success.

Message 4
From: PPA-at-pupman-dot-com

I can't imagine why anyone would voluntarily make a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich. It's tiresome, irresponsible, and the end result is less
attractive
than the sardines with onions that real coilers prefer. Wake up and smell
the
sardines.

Message 5
From: whybother-at-pupman-dot-com

I buy the peanut butter and jelly already mixed together in the jar at
Kroger. I
don't know what it's made of, but it's good. You can also order them ready
made
from the deli, in a little styro box with a bag of chips, for $5 each.

Message 6
From: purist-at-pupman-dot-com

It doesn't matter what you put on the bread, as long as it has a workable
bread
body. You need to mix your own bread by hand, mixing the dry ingredients
first
(wear a flour mask). I have been making my own bread with my own recipes all
my
life, and today's sandwich makers have no idea what making a sandwich is all
about.

Message 7
From: bythebox-at-pupman-dot-com

I got a bad loaf of Taystee bread, it was the honey oatmeal kind and it had
big
chunks of hard stuff all the way through. When I put it in the toaster,
parts of
it didn't toast at all and other parts caught fire. I called the 800 number
and
they said to send them some of the toast, but what do I do with the rest of
this
loaf of bread?

Message 8
From: vivelafrance-at-pupman-dot-com

Attached please find the MSDS data for peanut butter. Life threatening
peanut
allergies would require the use of an airtight kevlar suit, asbestos gloves
and
enclosed oxygen-tank breathing system. By no means should these substances
be
ingested, or breathed airborn particles.
(Attachment)

Message 9
From: eurocoiler-at-pupman-dot-com

Can someone please explain to me what PBJ stands for? What is a Kroger?
Please
remember that the pupman list is an international list and not everyone
lives in the
continental US or speaks "American"...

Message 10
From: taysteebread-at-pupman-dot-com

I am writing to respond to a recent attack on my company. I want to remind
sandwich makers that flour is a naturally grown product and might contain
varying amounts of weevils, microscopic molds and other variations that are
beyond our control. We recommend that buyers test a slice of bread before
committing to an entire meal.
The loaf in question was tested at the bakery and passed with flying colors.
The
fault was in the toasting methods of the individual buyer.

Message 11
From: McRantimator-at-pupman-dot-com

I'd like to see some of these so called peanut butter sandwiches of yours. I
was
making peanut butter sandwiches before you ever thought about making lunch,
and
they are way out of your league. Why don't you ask your rich daddy to hire
you a
cook to make your lunch? Be sure to wipe the peanut butter off your mouth
before
you go back to kissing up to the man. I'm going to go wash down my peanut
butter
with a red stripe or two.

Message 12
From: predictable-at-pupman-dot-com

I think this topic of peanut butter sandwiches has gone on long enough.
Shouldn't the moderator do his job and stop posting this annoying drivel?

Message 13
From: coilgoddess-at-pupman-dot-com

Here are the jelly and jam tests for Pete's strawberry, Orange marmalade,
Raspberry jam with and without seeds, Apricot Shino, and Grape purple on
both
white bread and whole wheat..
(Attachment)

Message 14
From: moderator-at-pupman-dot-com

make the sandwich.

make 100 of them, and you will begin to understand how a sandwich works.

then make 100 more.

it's lunch.

Everyone has to eat.

Message 15
From: primalblather-at-pupman-dot-com

When I was a kid, my grandmother taught me to make jam from berries we
picked in
the woods behind the hunting cabin up north... now I pick berries with my
little
homeschooled children to mix in breastmilk yogurt and we make organic fruit
juice sweetened jam and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah...
Yours, Kelly in the flatlands, where we'll have pbj today as soon as we drop
off
7 loaves of fresh whole wheat bread at the soup kitchens and blah blah blah
blah
blah....

Message 16
From: coilguru-at-pupman-dot-com

Coilgoddess, according to my calculations your blackberry recipe is a little
too high in the proportion of sugar to pectin. It seems it would run off the
sides of the sandwich, and might be unstable with an acidic bread such as
sourdough buns. I'm sending a revised recipe that might give better results.
(Attachment)

Message 17
From: fedup-at-pupman-dot-com

This subject has been covered on the pupman list exhaustively in the past.
If you'd
check the archives under "lunch options" you wouldn't have to waste
everybody's
time.

Message 18
From: Txjunkyard-at-pupman-dot-com

I have made servicable butter knives for spreading purposes out of road
signs,
cut out with a metal saw and filed to the appropriate shapes. I don't use a
knife myself, having built a peanut butter extruder out of the shock
absorbers
of a 57 chevy truck. I have found that making toast is nicest if you use a
wood
fired toaster.

Message 19
From: TxRed-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter and jelly is a fine sandwich. Go ahead and try it, and let us
know
how it turns out.

Message 20
From: mustlightenup-at-pupman-dot-com

I really don't think this is an appropriate conversation for a public forum.
All
this discussion of buns and kissing up seems completely unnecessary. What if
a
kindergarten class were to read the pupman list and find all this
debauchery?
Really, moderator, this has gone far enough.

Message 20
From: redherring-at-pupman-dot-com

The issue of sandwiches and lunchmaking is not as simple as it may sound.
For
some people, peanut butter is a deadly toxin; others with diabetes can not
enjoy
the jellies and jams you all seem to take for granted. It is high time we in
this country recognize the plot on the part of the food industry to poison
our
planet and its inhabitants with dangerous and sub-standard nutritive
substances,
all in the name of marketing and the almighty dollar. When will the world
wake
up and recognize that sustainably harvested wheatgrass juice and non
genetically
modified soy products are the key to human survival in an increasingly
hostile
world?

Message 21
From: lostandfound-at-pupman-dot-com

I would like to join the pupman list please. I have a white computer with a
grey keyboard, sitting on my kitchen counter in Podnik, Iowa. Please connect
me
to your discussion group.

Message 22
From: moderator-at-pupman-dot-com

peanut butter and jelly is done.

time to move on.

the moderator.