A Tesla Christmas

["Tesla list" <tesla-at-pupman-dot-com>]

Original poster: "Trent Mullins by way of Terry Fritz <twftesla-at-uswest-dot-net>" <neontrent-at-earthlink-dot-net>

"A Tesla Christmas"  by Trent Mullins

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not one appliance working, not even my mouse.
The Tesla RF ground was hooked up with care,
But the fried VCR made me whimper in despair.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Tesla coils danced in their heads.
And mamma in her nightgown, with VCR in hand,
Yelled at me so loudly they heard it in foreign lands.

This was much worse than the rolled poly caps,
I think they exploded from too much current, perhaps?
The oil sprayed everywhere, all over the house,
But much worse than that, all over my spouse!!

This was also much worse than my rotary gap,
Which I got spinning too fast and had a mishap.
The tungsten carbide electrodes were out of alignment,
And I hadn't bothered with the bullet-proof confinement.

To make that story short and cut to the chase,
I got seventy stitches from shrapnel stuck in my face.
The wife was quite hot, without intending a pun,
I ruined both cars with what looked like a machine gun.

This was worse than Thanksgiving when I ruined the feast,
I attempted to turn my NST into a current producing beast.
So I took the turkey pan outside to the shed,
My wife saw the gasoline and tar and thumped me on the head.

So now back to Christmas with the toasted electronics,
My coil must have had some out of tune harmonics.
I couldn't tell the kids the rest of the story,
It would have caused nightmares, it was rather quite gory.

So, while arcing my streamers into the sky,
What should appear but the red suited guy.
It appeared that the deer caught a piece of my arc,
And down from the sky and on my roof they did park.

It's a good thing 'ol Santa was so lively and quick,
'Cause his sleigh was on fire like the flick of a bic.
Standing on my roof he stared at his pire,
Wondering if he could ever repair the sleigh fire.

"No Dasher! No Dancer! No Prancer and Vixen!
No Comet! No Cupid! No Donder and Blitzen!
So down under the porch with shovel in hand,
He dug a big hole to bury his merry band.

And as Santa walked off into the dark and dreary night
He whimpered:

"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!" 

12/22/00